I have been MIA for a month or so, I apologize. We are in the middle of the much anticipated PCS move. Today was the hardest day of the whole thing so far. Daddy (my love) got on an airplane and left me and the kids here at my mothers. Timothy is on his way to AIT to train for his new position in the Army. We will not see him again until Thanksgiving Day….seems like forever. In the time from here till then, the kids & I must do a million and one things (ok, maybe just under a million things). We must drive from Michigan to Texas. Move into our new house of which I have never seen. Get our household goods moved in. Set up house. Get Alex ready and started in his new school. Keep us afloat financially. And get lots of mail out to Daddy! My next big thing….the road trip Ive been dreading….Michigan to Texas with a 7 year old, 2 year old and a 5 month old!!!!  AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Since I last wrote, we have done alot too. We got here on a 14 hour plane ride without a hitch (miracles do happen!). We visited my cousins in St.Louis, drove to Michigan, enjoyed some time with my family, went to Ohio to visit Timothys family (stressful and not fun to say the least) and then back here to my parents house just outside of Detroit where we just celebrated the Christenings of both our girls, Kaydence and Hope and yesterday celebrated Alex’s 7th birthday and tomorrow will be Kaydence’s 2nd birthday. Busy people huh? Last night, my heart broke watching my husband say goodbye to all the kids. He snuggled with a sleeping Kaydence (his pride and joy) and came out with tears streaming down his face. Next was Hope…he took our sleeping infant to her room, cradled her and cried some more and then finally laid her down to sleep. Finally he hugged Alex and cried once more. It takes a real man to be able to show his emotions the way he did. The love he has for his children was so clear in the tears that fell. Then it was time for us to say goodbye at 6 am this morning. I couldnt let go of him. No this isnt our first time apart from each other, far from it, but it was harder this time. This time we would have so much stuff to do, and this time without my better half, the one I rely so much on to show me the way. This time its all on me. And all I can think of is how I just want to make him proud of me and of us all.

The role of a military wife is not an easy role and not a role just anyone can fill. I know a bunch of people who have admitted they could not do what I do. I know that without them saying it. You have to be strong but flexible. You have to hold your heart up when its breaking and you have to wear your best strong face so that the kids dont know your scared or crushed or missing the heck out of Daddy. You cant cry all the time even though thats all you want to do. You cant sit and wonder where your heart is and what hes doing all the time because you have a toddler who is getting into something and a son who is not doing his homework and a baby whose hungry.  But a military wife can be proud. Proud of her husband, her family and most of all, proud of herself. I am proud of myself and I want to make myself even prouder of myself. I am proud of my kids cause they snuggle up with their Daddy Doll and kiss him goodnight when hes gone, but they never seem to worry cause they know Mommy is there. So lets keep it rolling there kids….we are going to be ok. We are going to make it to Texas and we are going to make Daddy so proud of us! And that is my life right now…me and my Army of Five.

So apparently…all the issues that my sweet little baby girl Hope has means nothing and takes up no time of mine. I was approached again by my husband about the less then perfect upkeep of the house. I dont make it upstairs to our room to dust very often if ever and I dont vaccum upstairs as often as I should. I try my darndest to keep the downstairs clean and pretty…but it seems that when ive gained ground, i turn around and ive lost some more. My 2 year old is by far the biggest culprit with her Daddy close behind. She spills food, he leaves his papers and what not dropped where ever and I am scared to move anything because if he goes looking for it and cant find it…then its on me…something I absolutley hate being responsible for.  I feel lucky if I am able to get my shower everyday. I look at some of the moms at Alex’s school and I think…what time do they get up to look so put together?? Typically I am dropping him off in a hat and whatever I can find besides my pjs and of course…no makeup. My daughters are majority of the time still in PJs and ready for breakfast when we get home. I keep thinking…I will get my routine down and I will get that good. So far, not so much! What am I doing wrong? Right now I get maybe 3 hours sleep a night and 5 out of 7 nights I am sleeping in the chair downstairs with my colicy 3 month old. I get up at 5am normally but sit in the chair thinking…what the hell am i doing up this early? I didnt get up that early when I worked full time! But Im tired of feeling like shit about myself and having to explain my daily activities to my husband to explain why I didnt get to the dusting, or why the floors arent mopped. Im tired of feeling like I dont deserve to be a stay at home mom. Im tired of feeling bad about myself most of all and thinking I will never get my “routine” down. So today is the day…unfortunatly its a friday and weekends are never good days to start my “routine”. But I will do my best.  I want to be one of those moms that other moms think, “Boy, shes really got it together” I want to be one of those moms that I look at and think, how do they do that? Of course Im going to be realistic and know that I can do my best and I cant work miracles. I know Kaydence will not wake up tomorrow knowing that Cherrios are not living room decorations or she is still to young to pour something herself.  But, as with everything else in life, only I can fix myself.  So I want to make my husband proud.  I want him to be happy to come home…not that he isnt right now, but he gets irritated with clutter, I know that. But I want him to see that I am working on keeping the house clean and be a bit more active in its up keep himself. I keep thinking….my mom did this for 30 years and our house was always clean..how the heck did she do this? All I can think is she did it all when we were in school…but we werent always in school…so how?  I dont know but I am calling her tomorrow and asking her? Now I dont want you all thinking that my house is a complete pig stye because it isnt. Im sure its worse in my head then it really is….but still. Im sure some of you understand my frustrations.

But from this day on I will work harder and be more vigilant on housework and somehow come with a wonderful routine for me and for my kids and then hopefully *Poof* I will be one of those Moms I look at in the school parking lot and admire.

So today is our Hail & Farewell…aka our going away party at the Unit. My dear hubby said to make sure we were ready on time…he couldnt stress enough how important ON TIME was. I knew that way before he said something. Ive been looking forward to this because it means we are moving…we are saying “See Ya” to the island and everyone here..and we are doing this happily! Ive also been interested to see what they do for my hubby. He has helped this unit in so many ways and has done way more then anyone else in that unit has done for things..I hope they show their appreciation for him. He has definitley left his mark. Apparently its causal dress…but being that this is my opprotunity to get out of the house…visit with people over the age of 2…I want to look nice. So I didnt over do it for myself…nice, classy as always. Navy blue skirt, coordinating top, cute sandals…but my girls look adorable!! Especially Kaydence. Hope was looking so fricken cute..that is until she decided to dirty her pants so much it got all over her brand new sundress. Typical 3 month old! But Kaydence has on the CUTEST little bright pink dress wiht bright colored polka dots. She might be a little fancy for the occasion…but shes a 2 year old…she if anyone can get away with it. And rounding out the clan is Alex looking handsome in Khaki cargo shorts and an orange polo shirt and just happy to have a day off of school. So here I am…10 minutes past the time Timothy said hed be here to pick us up…and no sign of him and we have been ready for almost an hour. Thats getting myself a shower, dressed, makeup on, hair done, both the girls cleaned and dressed (Hope twice dressed) and Alex showered and dressed. So I dont know about everyone else…but thats an accomplishment all on its own. So hopefully this thing goes good…cause so far my day has been going pretty good. Wish me luck and keep your fingers crossed that I wont have to get up in front of everybody and have to say a little thank you/goodbye speech like the last wife that left did.

Get a quote to ship the car, call WIC to see if the new formula is covered, fiqure out what school Alex is going to next year, where are we going to live, what am I going to wear Thursday? When am I going to get to go on a date??….yep these are just a few of the things on my mind right now. See, we are moving and soon!! In less then 3 weeks we will be on an airplane leaving the Hawaiian Islands…our home sweet home for the past 3 years. I think I can get it all done by then…but the feeling I have right now is slightly frantic. All I want to do is go to dinner with my husband…ALONE!!! Yeah…impossible!! But my wonderful neighbors have given us the gift of watching the kids for one evening…next week! I cant wait!! You see…as an Army Wife…one of the untold hard facts is that you are rarely ever close enough to drop the kids off with the Grandparents or with the In-Laws so you and your sweetie and get a little alone time and get renewed. But I have somehow gotten thru 3 years with very possibly only 5 evenings alone. I know some of my friends who go out once a month, or once every other week…not me…I’m more of a once a year type! But not by choice…by placement in the world. Still…my hubby and I relish our nights watching the late night news and the Letterman Show because the kids are asleep (most the time) and its just him and me…me and him….and the bassinet next to the bed as a reminder to not stay up too late. I’m watching my 2 year old daughter and thinking…I love that little girl but oh I wish I could leave her with Grandma for a weekend! Is that horrible of me?? I know we all need a break…but still I never want to think how nice it would be if they weren’t around….cause when they are at a rare babysitters…I miss them to death.  So yes…the trials of being an Army Wife and Mommy include rare nights out on the town with your hubby….but I wouldn’t trade it and here is why….

I treasure the times alone with my hubby. I treasure the minutes of flirting with each other, even if it ends up going nowhere due to crying babies. I appreciate every second of an evening out..including when we get the frantic phone call from the guy watching our kids that one of the kids is puking everywhere cutting our good time short. Would I appreciate our time as much if I had it all the time?  A night or an afternoon or anytime for that matter that I get alone, just me and my love, is such a wonderful treat….I am patiently waiting for our next second of “us time”.